Learning to Give Up The Need to Control Every Situation

The Power of Learning to Give Up Control

“When nothing is sure, everything is possible.”
~Margaret Drabble

I recently received some news that rocked me to my core. I admit that even as a proven leader, initially I went through all the emotions one can experience when you receive unexpected news. Do you know what I mean when I say all thoughts of striving to be a collaborative leader just went out the window? I attempted to justify why the decision was totally wrong. I even ranted and raved to my trusted inner circle. I was thrown totally off my success game. I thank them for their patience in letting me get it out of my system.
If you have ever experienced a major disappointment at work after giving your all, then you understand the betrayal I felt when it was determined by others that I had taken the project as far as I could.
To say I was not happy is putting it mildly. Then, something miraculous happened. I remembered the importance of understanding ” what matters most”.
Once I stopped the ‘woe is me” self indulgent thinking and began to behave as the successful leader I am; I was able to remember the undisputed truth.

I created and executed the project at the highest level of performance possible. Everyone connected to the project acknowledges this fact. The next thing that happened was I quickly realized I had to put my ego in check. It is often difficult for high performers and high achievers to accept loss. The reality is that the change in events was not about my performance as a leader. The need for change just happens sometimes.

Collaborative leaders understand the critical importance of not making everything personal. The revelation that this particular change was totally out of my control helped me to flex my thinking. Yes, it was unexpected, but when has change ever been convenient?

Collaborative leaders must learn to adjust to the change and strive to think strategically. Don’t ever allow yourself to be the victim. Once I was able to shift my thinking, it is amazing how in a very short period of time, new opportunities started coming my way. Whenever you allow yourself to wallow in the negative thoughts, you might miss the new opportunities your skills can create.

I am proud to say I have learned some valuable lessons as a result of this situation. Here are the key elements:

No matter what : Never forget the value you provide.
Always remember: Remain professional no matter what. Yes, even when you get bad news.
Recognize when to let go: Give up control over the things you really have no control over.
When you have done all you can: Stand strong and let the good work you have done speak for you.

So how will you react the next time you receive news that is not the greatest?

On another note: I will be speaking at the National BDPA Conference in Philadelphia on July 24, 2010. I love helping leaders stand strong despite the odds. Here is the registration link in case you can join me:

http://www.bdpa.org/conf-2010.php